That's How Noah Did It!

It’s a classic, Noah’s Ark. Whenever I think of this story I can’t help seeing Steve Carell with all those animals following him…priceless! This story has it all; epic flood, people dying, soft furry animals and sleek ferocious ones, family struggles, redemption, and, of course, GOD! Even if you aren’t familiar with the bible you’ve marveled at how Noah and his family built this big boat in the middle of nowhere and somehow managed to get two of every creature on it.

Amazing.

Yes, it's amazing, but not very plausible. It was ok in Sunday school on the flannel board when you were six, but more questions than answers start to rear their ugly head not too long after that. And this is when the wheels start to come off. There is absolutely no way this story gets any literal traction unless you throw the God Card. We do it all the time. The minute things get a little sticky and rational thought is applied to theological questions (yes, that theology that we really can’t defend), and all of a sudden, the dots don’t connect, and we summon God.

How can you argue with “God did it.”?

You immediately transfer the responsibility for an honest, if not somewhat credible, answer from you to God. Dodged that bullet-next question, please. And so the story goes; every time it gets uncomfortable in these faith discussions, we default to The Man, and our credibility slips ever so much more in the eyes of those on the outside looking in. And we make damn sure that they know they are on the outside. Ah, but I digress; that’s a tirade for another time. The Flood. I am going somewhere with this…

Back to Noah and having to figure out how to fit all those animals on the ark and keep them from eating each other. Head-scratcher for sure. But never fear, just when you think you have heard it all, and believe me, I’ve had a lifetime of biblical stories, another solution presents itself.

First, a little background. A friend of mine has little kids, and sometimes they go to a Christian after-school program. One day, she goes to pick her son up and finds out that they have been talking about Noah’s ark. “That’s great!” she says, “What did you learn?” Now, I want you to pause for a moment. Think back on your childhood, especially if you were one of those kids who always wanted to ask the tough bible questions. You probably didn’t get very far-God Card again-and maybe even got excommunicated. Ah, but not that day for my friend’s son. He got to ask one of the big cosmic questions we all wonder about, “So how did Noah get the dinosaurs on the ark?”

I just heard a gasp from all of you. No playtime, a note to Mom, and a ruler across the knuckles. Sound familiar? But this time, the kid caught a break. The teacher actually entertained the question and, of course, threw the God card. But not any God card I had ever heard. Maybe this won’t be new news to some of you, but it’s been a long time since my kids were six, and it actually stopped me in my tracks.

“Why honey, he just shrunk them!”

No, I’m not kidding; that’s what she said to the little boy. “He shrunk them.”

We’ll deal later with the therapy my friend, and her son is now going to need, but first, I want to grieve a little for that thirty-something teacher who could actually tell a kid that. More so if she actually believes it herself. What has this whole thing come to? Think of the baggage that kind of “truth” saddles a child with. Luckily, my friend had a head on her shoulders with a sharp brain in it and knew that damage control would be in order that night. But how much of that kind of theology gets propagated unchecked every day? A lot, I’m afraid.

And it grieves me...deeply.

Paul tells us that we need to “transform our minds,” which assumes we need to use them. They shouldn’t be checked at the door where we’re given a stack of “God Cards”. Shame on us “Christians”. We have at our disposal perhaps the greatest book of wisdom ever written. So, let’s be wise as we teach stories from it and wrestle with why a story is there instead of getting all mired in the “how did it happen.” Try it sometime; you just might like it.

At the very least, it should prompt you to turn the God Cards back in — or, better yet, burn them…